It’s amazing how quickly things can change. In a heartbeat everything that once was can suddenly turn into a distant memory. And after a while, those memories begin to feel like they belong to someone else’s lifetime. So when you’re low, feeling overworked and alone, you reminisce about a joyful pastime that you once lived and all of that nostalgia feels bittersweet because it doesn’t feel like yours anymore. But at the end of the day, the harsh reality remains: that time is over now and you can never go back to what you once were; for better or for worse.
I hate to be so pessimistic but life has felt so lonely as of late. There’s so much hatred and cruelty in this world. But I see complacent people everywhere, entitled to their own self-indulgent lives, harbouring their own false realities, oblivious to everyone they’re stomping on in order to satisfy a few of their many sudden desires. It’s a little played out at this point and I’ll admit I’m angry that I have to experience and witness this just about every day of my life. Obviously this life will never be ideal for anyone but I just wish people were a little more conscientious of their actions. I wish they realized that their actions always have a string of consequences. It seems like such a basic concept but over the years, the media has continued to reinforce the same instantaneous notions regarding wealth and success through its TV, movies and mainstream music.
I’m tired of putting in so much effort to go out, fighting through my own social anxiety to end up feeling paralysed by fear. Sometimes I’m heavily misunderstood; but, sometimes it’s just unfounded fear. Most often I work through it but it saddens me because I know often that I can’t connect with anyone or have any sort of authentic conversation with them. Everything feels like it’s all for show these days. It’s just one big competition of who can act the most socially acceptable and follow all of the social norms that have been laid out for us since we were born. Who of us was lucky enough to win the genetic lottery or to develop a socially desirable trait that makes them that much “cooler”? – even if it means living life at the expense of another person’s well-being, mental or physical. We have stopped listening to listen. Now we only listen to respond.
Whatever happened to authenticity? What happened to love and compassion or to equality? And when I say equality I am not just referencing minorities. I’m talking about human equality. It’s not gay rights, it’s not women’s rights or black rights, it’s just HUMAN rights. Whatever our level of social privilege, we’re all human and we’re all equal despite the illusion and all of the mind games that people play to try to deceive and get ahead in this patriarchal society. It’s exhausting trying to live an authentic life and find meager success in such a false world.